When Zayn left, I found support in the community of women who got me hooked in the first place: the 1D fandom.
When Zayn announced he would not be returning to One Direction, I had a stronger reaction than I expected. But I was far from alone. In fact, since the minute the news broke I've felt more supported than I've ever been. I got so many texts and notifications that my phone actually froze at one point. I immediately put all my favorite internet friends into one group DM on Twitter to express our collective shock and misery, and it hasn't slowed down in the 24 hours since. A girl I started following because of her beautiful 1D fan art tweeted at me, "love youuuuu *already, we're in solidarity anguish zone so i love u on principle*," and in general my Twitter has been an ongoing conversation about love, loss, self-care, and the power of fandom.
I needed the support because last night was also frustrating. The internet was filled with media outlets making news out of fans' reactions, showing the world how a collection of underage girls they picked off of social media are "insane" and embarrassing. Even people in my own life were telling me that what my friends and I have been doing since yesterday is "overreacting" because he's just a boy in a band and I don't even know him.
But being upset about Zayn leaving One Direction doesn't feel like an overreaction. Something that I've loved and dedicated time and energy to has come to an end, and I'm mourning that. And it's not just the band that has changed: The relationships that I've created around this fandom will now shift slightly as we all try to figure out what will happen next.
Certainly, I can see how, from the outside, it may seem odd that a 24-year-old woman with a good job and friends would be so obsessed with a band whose very name has become shorthand for a certain type of teenage girl. But the femininity of One Direction fandom has in fact empowered me — and the ways many people, but particularly men, dismiss it only speaks to the ways in which women are constantly forced to try to conform to norms that were not established by them.
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